Going on 13: A Documentary About REAL Girls

Recently, I had the privilege of creating a study guide to accompany the new documentary, Going on 13, which follows four girls from ages 9 - 13. I loved this film because it showed REAL GIRLS. I could watch the film again and again (and I did!) because the girls in it became very dear to me. They reminded me of girls I know: of my younger sister, my cousins, and the many amazing girls I've had the opportunity to work with through New Moon. It was so refreshing to see girls who spoke for themselves onscreen; it made me realize anew just how incredibly limited a portrayal the media usually gives girls.

See this film if you can. Even better, see it with other adults who care about or work with girls, or bring the girls you care about to it. The film can be a springboard to discuss many important topics, such as growing up, mental health, sex education, immigration, and more. There is one instance of 'the f word' and some mature subject matter, such as sex education and mental illness, but I find the film appropriate for girls ages 9 and up if they view it with an adult who can help them contextualize and process what they see.

The next screenings are:
1) LA Latino Film Festival Sept 13
2) SF Documentary Film Festival some time in Oct 17-30
3) South Asian Film Festival (NYC) Nov?
4) Leeds (UK) Youth Film Festival April 2009

And here's the trailer:

In the Circle with Girls

Today I had the opportunity to attend a Girls Circle training with the Girls Circle co-founder, Giovanna Taormina. I first heard about Girls Circle through my work as an editor with New Moon magazine about four years ago, and I remember thinking, "Wow! What a great thing for girls!"

Being at the training reaffirmed that for me. Not only did I get to meet dozens of women (and one man!) working with girls in many different capacities, but I had the opportunity to be reminded of why working with girls in a different way is so crucial.

At New Moon, we work under a principle called "Share the Power," in which girls and adults make decisions together about the content of New Moon Girls magazine and our upcoming online experiences. Part of "Share the Power" involves creating a safe space where girls feel comfortable speaking up and disagreeing with one another -- otherwise, we'd never get to what girls really wanted and needed from New Moon. The Girls Circle philosophy also talks about sharing the power; in Girls Circles, the power is about girls helping one another to make good decisions about their lives. Girls Circles can happen in many different settings, such as schools, community programs, after-school programs, churches, and juvenile justice systems, to name a few.

Girls Circles are built around the understanding -- finally becoming mainstream -- that girls are not the same as boys, nor are they the same as adults. The Girls Circle model is rooted in the facts about how girls' brains and development work, so that girls can come together in a model that's designed for them. It's no wonder girls love coming to the circles, and no wonder that they raise girls' self-esteem (and lead them to making better choices).

There was so much wisdom at today's training that I could fill 10 blog posts. Some of the ideas that struck me the most were that

• Girls' (and women's) psychological well-being is closely tied to their relationships. This means that girls and women in unhealthy relationships are more likely to abuse substances, have a low opinion of themselves, and struggle with depression. On an instinctual level, this makes sense. But now we have the science to prove it: when it comes to girls, relationships matter.
  
• Similarly, the primary goal of the female brain is to form community; talking activates female's pleasure centers in the brain, but rejection activates the stress centers.
  

This is the foundation for the work that Girls Circle does with girls. The circle creates trust among the girls participating by

• laying down groundrules that all agree upon
  
• letting everyone have their turn to talk (a "talking stick" or other talking object helps with this)
  
• turning things "back over to the group" as much as possible, rather than having an adult step in and "fix" any issue a girl brings up
  
• committing to confidentiality, except in cases of mandatory reporting.

Once that trust has been established in a circle, the female brain is happy because it has a safe, healthy relationship to depend upon. This gives a girls a jumping off point to take the risk of being their authentic selves in the world, because they've seen a place where being authentic didn't lead to rejection. Wow, powerful stuff.

And the best part of all? Anyone can start a Girls Circle, anywhere. Girls circle or not, my hope is that all girls would find a place that felt that safe.